I am very deeply in love with someone, but we can never be together. The reason being that he is married - to his childhood sweetheart, just to make it worse. They've been together since they started high school 16 years ago. They have 2 young kids and I'm certain that they have a happy home.
He and I are close friends, and we spend a lot of time together as we work together. Emotionally we have a very strong bond, to the point where each of us usually knows exactly what the other is thinking. If we're apart and something bad happens to one of us, the other knows. We both understand one another in a way that nobody else ever has. We both feel like we are soulmates in some weird way.
I know he feels the same way. It is getting more difficult to hide, and people have started to notice how close we've become. The chemistry between us is blatant, but neither of us will do anything about it.Advice please? How do I get over this?
Why should she ';be ashamed of herself';? She is not asking for advice on how to steal someone's husband, she wants to know how to get over the way she feels If anything, she should be praised for refusing point blank to break up a family! She has done absolutely nothing wrong and by the sounds of it, she isn't planning to do anything wrong. Some of YOU should be ashamed for lambasting someone who is obviously doing the right thing. It is ridiculous.
KAY: I am not going to lecture you, as it's not my place to do so, and I don't think there's any need. You clearly stated that you are not going to get further involved with this guy. Good on you for being a decent, moral person. I admire your honesty, and I respect your straightforward approach and your refusal to become a 'homewrecker'.
You can't help how you feel. You can, however, decide how to act (or how not to act, in this case) on those feelings - and I think you are DEFINITELY doing the right thing by not starting an affair. As you've said, it would most likely lead to a great deal of heartache all round, particularly as there are young kids involved.
I feel for you, having been in a very similar situation. Like you, I didn't do anything about it because it would have been wrong to do so.There's no easy or pain free solution, and this is going to be difficult, but if your friendship is developing into so much more, you need to back off NOW before it gets any deeper - you don't want to take the risk of anything happening that shouldn't. It is horribly difficult, but you need to stay away from him. That's what I did, as I couldn't live with myself if I had played any part in destroying a marriage and a family. Although I don't think these feelings will ever go away, I know that I've done the right thing.
Look at it this way: you don't need to start an affair. What you have is perfect, in an odd way. You're very close, you clearly care for one another (albeit too much), and you have a good friendship. As you will never be together, you'll never mess it up, you won't hurt one another, you won't hurt anyone else, you won't lose what you have. So bear that in mind, keep your distance, and concentrate on your own relationship at home and your career. Let him concentrate on being the family man that he is. Be strong. Leave him alone and, hard as it is, move forward.
You've done nothing wrong here and no reason to feel guilty, as long as you leave him alone. If more people showed such integrity and selflessness, the world would be a better place.Advice please? How do I get over this?
Any sane person who bothered to read your question tproperly would see that you are not a homewrecker. Ignore the stupid ones.
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whatever you do, please think of others first...won't be fair to his family %26amp; ur partner...you gotta draw the line or just forget about the whole thing...
You have to CHOOSE to stop.
If all you say is true (won't break up relationship, love your partner) you have to choose to stop. The alternative is to go against your morals and feel guilty for a long time.
If all you say is not true, you really don't care, in which case, do what makes you feel good.
Find another guy to fall in love with, or you could turn this soulmate relationship into a best friends forever (yeah, so it sounds a little 6th grade, big deal) relationship.
@-%26gt;--%26gt;-
I think you both are grown ups...If both of you know this can go no where, stop playing the game...Before someone does get hurt...Like the children...some things in life just are not easy...but making the right choice is up to you...
Girl...when you find out...please tell me.
I am married myself. I recently found an old friend once again.
We both care so much about each other, but he doesn't want to break up my beautiful family. He also has a long-term girlfriend...but why do we talk for hours on end on the phone?
It sucks...and the fact that he lives 3,000 miles from me sucks, too. I think my husband suspects something is going on between us, even though we are so far away. We are far away physically, but our hearts have been close for years. Anyway, my husband is jealous, and he suspects I feel something for my ';friend';, but he will never ask. I think he won't ask because he doesn't want to know the answer.
Girl..I feel for you...and if you and this guy you like wants to be with you...there will come a point that you will no longer be able to keep a secret. At this point...his marriage will fail.
I only hope that you and him make each other happy. And I hope his wife finds a man who will be faithful to her. We all deserve it.
Good Luck!
if you love someone set them free.
A very close friend of mine has just gone through something very similar to you.... he left his wife, they were together for 2 weeks... so so happy they were, but his wife was gutted and wanted him back, so off he went, back to his wife and kids. It not worth ruining everything including this great bond you 2 have, over this, the best bet is to sit it out, if your meant to be together, then it will happen all on its own, naturally with as little pain to everyone else as possible. Stay friends, friends can be close, just dont let it go any further, you will only live to regret it ok........
You can't get over it as easily as you would think. Time heals all wounds and that's what you need. See what you can do about taking a vacation from work and going somewhere special with just you and your significant other. Get to know him better and let him get to know you. Maybe you can spark these type of feelings in the relationship you are in.
This is gonna be hard to hear but u need to cut all ties with him. I fu do split him and his partner up u will never forgive yourself and therefore never be happy, but by the sounds of it he is very happy with things how they are and doesn't see u in any way other than a really close friend. Lots of people are going to get hurt, youself included, if u continue along this path so please just walk away. A damn sight easier said than done but be strong. Hope you make the right choice, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Good luck x
I think you know the answer, deep down, but do not want to acknowledge it. The attraction of 'forbidden fruit' is a cliche but a very true one.
If you two break up your existing relationship to be with each other, the consequences for all the peop;e you leave will be rotten - as you know well from your own childhood. If you get together the odds are that the 'blatant chemistry' between you will be realised in a short set of physical reactions and then a new equilibrium will set in. And there is every chance that you will then each begin to blame the other for breaking up your original relationships.
If you really intended to go down this path, I do not think you would be seeking advice from anyone else.
Either talk to him and agree a way of working together less intimately-and stick to it-or look for another job, within or better still, outwith your current employer.
I hope you can keep your partner and your friend, but in a better, less stressful and less dangerous balance.
Be happy.
You go about finding yourself a man that IS available and give you the love and comfort and suport that you seem to crave from this other man.
Try and avoid this guy as much as possible- I know its hard when you work together - but by trying to avoid situations where the chemistry etc is blatant - then you're making it easier on yourself.
good luck!
xx
You ignore it.
This situation is never easy, but by being with one person you automatically agree to keep away from anyone else. I know it's hard because we can all love more than one person, but the beauty of a strong relationship is to choose one and pass on any others. Good luck.
well i think that you should just tell him.
its better to let out your feelings, atleast you guys know that you like each other and would not have to brake up a relationship so close.......
i hope i helped......
You should be ashamed of yourself. Look for another job, ignore the situation. People WILL start talking, then it will get to his family, and then yours.
You would never set out to break their relationship? Well it seems to me that this is exactly what you are trying to do!
It's a crush..Once you break up with your significant others you will realize it's nothing more. It's easy for you to not feel guilty because you have no kids and no husband but as soon as he leaves his wife and kids he has more to lose. If you were to act on your feelings he would resent you and try to go back to his wife. Just let things be and keep him in your fantasies.
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